Photo Credit: Markus Winkler
It’s hard enough to go through OCD at any time but when two powerful forces combine, there is much self-compassion needed.
Recently, I lost a very close friend. The grief itself was all-consuming and I immediately felt the onset of OCD thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, grief is a funny creature, it does make you think and do odd things. But this was extra.
I couldn’t stand the noise of the TV and other sensory flare-ups, I blamed myself and everyone else (which is also normal but it was ‘extra’) and I had to get everything in order and make sure that every single thing in the near future was planned to a tee – something I hadn’t done for a while). I also became extremely sensitive to people’s comments, mannerisms and even their comfort. This is how my OCD typically manifests.
Interestingly, my counsellor said that anxiety was one of the most common reactions for a person in grief. I didn’t know that. I thought it might be depression, anger, sadness, etc.
I am choosing to see my OCD reaction, as well as my normal reaction, as understandable and acceptable. I am bringing self-love and compassion to myself. I do this by opening two hands, palms upward. Into one hand I place all the beautiful things I can think of about myself then I bring it into my heart and release it there. In the other, I ask God to fill my hand with all things wonderful and then I bring this to my heart and release it.
It’s still hard. Of course, it’s still hard. But, I am allowing myself to start to see what I brought to our friendship and be glad that I could be there for her when she needed me.
I hope this helps someone x